This week

Lots of stuff happened this week.  On monday I texted her because I had an opportunity to go see her, and I immediately jumped at it.  I quickly remembered that I had other obligations on that day, but not all was lost.  We talked a bit and both of us agree we were miserable without each other talking.  I told her I wanna go see her anyways.  On tuesday, as soon as I got back home from my previous obligation, at approximately 1am (wednesday by now) I left on a 9 hour drive to see her.  I was very tired, but my desire to see her and be with her motivated me.  I finally got to her at 11 am and we had the most amazing 3 days I have had in a long time.  There was no need for words, we are both very much madly in love with each other.  I felt like it healed a good bit of our wounds from being so far apart for so long, as did she.  Things are going back on track to us being happy again.  I love her so much, and I am making every effort to keep her. 

One Week

Yesterday we decided we wouldn't talk to each other for one week.  Today is the first day, I've been so miserable and I started crying again.  My heart is in so much pain I feel I could have a heart attack.  I love her so very much.

Glimmer of Hope

I just finished talking with the girl I love.  There is yet hope, this seems to be a phase she is going through, and she seems to have agreed upon boundaries I can agree with.  She wants us to work things out, as do I.  Still, I need to change my life for the better.  I need more friends, I need more motivation, I need a better drive in life.  I need to become a better person, no, I will become a better person.

My feelings

I am feeling so torn apart right now.  My heart has been shattered, I've been crying randomly all day.  I don't know what to do, I have no one to turn to. 

A New Chapter

I'll start by talking a little of myself.  I am a 26 soon to be 27 year old computer science major who has not finished his bachelor's degree.  This year will be the last that my parents will help with my tuition.  This year I also lost one of my only male friends, which it may have been for the better, but I wish things could have been worked out.  I am a computer science major, yet last semester I completely failed everything due to depression.  You could say I am having somewhat of a midlife crisis.

Yesterday, most importantly, the most devastating thing happened to me.  I lost the girl I had been with for nearly 4 years.  We had only met once in person, but in that time I loved her will all my heart, and I let her know every single day multiple times that I loved her.  It was a feeling like nothing else I had ever felt before, I can truly say it was love to the fullest extent of the meaning.  Needless to say, within a week things went from us being very much in love, to where yesterday out of nowhere she broke up with me.  She met someone, and she likes him, but she also likes me.  The biggest issue is the distance, otherwise she would have stayed.  She wants me to remain in her life as a friend, but that is such a cruel fate for the person I love more than anything.

Today, I start this blog, hoping for a new future, hoping that my girl will come back to me.  I don't know if I will ever be able to love someone again as much as I love her.  My heart is broken, in pieces.  I am torn apart, I couldn't even sleep last night.  I look back at my life, and I keep seeing all my failures.  In the end, I wish I had finished college sooner and wasn't such a fuck up, so that I could have a better life right now, so that I could have the girl of my dreams in my arms.

Something import that I did today was I got the CDL book to learn how to drive big trucks.  I studied it for a bit, then I went and took the test.  I almost passed one of the tests, but failed the other miserably.  I am trying to move forward, possibly this change may get me closer to that special someone.